Rangers Announce CMBA All-Stars

The All Star ballots are in.

Alonzo Hillard - 14 votes
James Keathley - 11 votes
Isaiah Panatsis - 11 votes
Eric Morrissey - 5 votes
Tim Brannon - 3 votes
Chad Pilcher - 3 votes
Kevin Casey - 2 votes
Tony Litzsey - 1 vote

Alonozo Hillard, James Keathley, Chad Pilcher and Kevin Casey will represent the Chicago Rangers in this Sunday's CMBA All-Star game. Game time is 9:15 am and will take place at Maywood Memorial Park. Isaiah Panatsis, Eric Morrissey and Tim Brannon are not able to play due to prior engagements.

Click here for entire All-Star game rosters.

Wednesday 6/27 Game Postponed

Our next scheduled game is Thursday, June 28 vs. The Aviators at 5:50 pm at Winnemac Park.

Ranger double takes III

One was a TV sex symbol in the '90s. The other is a sex symbol only to Kana and the Godfather. Which is former ER star Noah Wiley, and which is Rangers Comptroller Lucas Luecke?

Ranger double takes II

Here is one for the ages. One is DH/1B Chad Pilcher, a.k.a. Chadifer and Chadgelina, depending on the starlet the media catches him canoodling with at the moment.

The other is a star of many movies, including Shaving Ryan's Privates. Any guesses?

Let's play Ranger double takes

If James Keathley's mad pitching skillz take a turn for the worse like the former MLB pitcher seen here, Tim will have to replace Isaiah with Stretch Armstrong behind the plate. Who can name that headcase?

New Uniform Being Tested for the Rangers!

Make your own Zing!
Lucas Luecke along with a full laboratory of scientists are attemping to come up with a new uniform for the Chicago Rangers of the CMBA. Luecke claims the new uniform is the first that offers proper "support" for a baseball player and frees up the groin area from the infamous and uncomfortable "baseball cup". The new uniform is lighter and more aerodynamic, giving the player a competative edge. Seeing that the Rangers are not blessed with great speed, this will be a welcome addition to the team. The only drawback found is that some Ranger Players will be sunburned very quickly and to the extent that their mobility will be limited. Testing is currently underway and if all goes well, the rangers could be wearing mankini's the end of June!

Ichiro hates Swag's hometown

Ichiro and the mighty Mariners arrived in Cleveland this weekend to take on, and defeat, the mighty Tribe. Upon arriving, some brillaint Cleveland reporter, lacking the brain to ask a good question, asked Ichiro if he liked coming to Cleveland. Most likely he was guaging the soon-to-be free agent's interest in the Tribe, despite the fact they can't pay him. Ichiro responded to the reporter through his interpreter: "If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited going to Cleveland, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying" Now that is an incredibly hilarious/honest/awesome response. Ichiro may be my new favorite player not on the Cubs...at least until next year when he is our right fielder.

When Harry Met Sally II

Rangers vs. Red Sox Preview - 6/12/07

The 1st place Chicago Rangers will play host to the Humboldt Park Red Sox at Winnemac Park on Tuesday, June 12th at 5:50 pm.

The Rangers are riding a 5 game winning streak coming into Tuesday's game and own the best record in the CMBA at 7-2. The Red Sox come into Tuesday's game having lost their last 5.

The Rangers and the Red Sox split their 2 game series in 2006. Lifetime, the Rangers hold a 6-4 advantage over the Red Sox.

The game is set to take place at Winnemac Park, where the Rangers are 2-1 on the season. Lifetime, the Rangers are 43-29 at Winnemac.

The Rangers played their first ever CMBA game against this same Red Sox club 5 years ago on May 19, 2002. The Red Sox prevailed in that game by a score of 3-2.

The Rangers are 5-0 against teams outside of their division in 2007. They look to make that 6-0 on Tuesday.

Rangers vs. Vikings DH Preview

The Rangers will clash with the Chicago Vikings in a double header beginning at 10:00 am on Saturday, June 9th at Taft High School.

The twin bill will be the 18th and 19th meeting between the two clubs. The Rangers are 6-11 (.353) lifetime against the band of Nordic warriors.

The Rangers last win against the Vikings came in the first round of the 2006 CMBA playoffs. The Rangers won that contest by a score of 2-1 behind a 3 hit complete game by Eric Morrissey. The Vikings went on to win that playoff series 2 games to 1.

The Rangers need 2 more wins for 80 lifetime wins. The Rangers are currently sitting at 78-73 lifetime in CMBA action.

Ranger newcomer Alonzo Hillard is hitting a blistering .636 on the 2007 campaign. He is on pace to break virtually every record in the Chicago Ranger record book.

Hooters on fire

I drove by Hooter's this afternoon and firetrucks were trying to put out a fire in the parking lot. From what I could gather, the pregant chick that works there got upset when she learned that people did not find her attractive and decided to set the bushes out front on fire. Fortunately, on my way home I learned that the firemen had saved our Taft/Southwest oasis for the time being.

Fellow Rangers,
There is a question that has been bothering me for all of Today:

Where are the Rangers going to go after the game against the Browns in Maywood on Wednesday?

1. Russell's for some great barbeque beef
2. Forest Park on Madison Avenue
3. Phil's on Harlem for Ping Pong and Pool
4. James' Placefor a yard of Pizza

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

Quote Page

Joe, you know you have a hump.
-Jody

I really love drinking.
-LaRocco

All white guys like to do is eat pussy and put it in the ass.
-Jody

You better sit in the car. I don't want you around these guys with a white shirt on.
-Colin

I don't like white girls.
-James

"Who bleeds that much and doesn't die" -Beth
"...Women" -Jody

The 1st night we met I was drunk and wanted to have sex, but he didn't.
-Tom's Wife

Fuck Tim's couch. I have fucked it many times.
-Isaiah

Quote Page

If anyone has seen a napkin from Gios with a few different quotes from Jody on it and a quote from "Tom's Wife," please return it to the Chicago Rangers. Gio Shots will be awarded upon receipt.

German Beer

This weekend marks the beginning of MayFest in Lincoln Square. The German girls and beer will be flowing just as the swans flock to Capistrano. All Rangers are welcome. Just remember, keep your pants close to you at all times.

White Shorts!

We all know what summer means. Other than the gay sex, it means that girls are wearing white shorts. Let us salute all those girls who wear white shorts and get really drunk and have even drunker individuals yell at them "Hey white shorts!" To the white shorts!