Two outs, top of the seventh, down by one run, tying and winning runs on second and third respectively, Matt Swary at the plate. Would he be a hero or a goat? If you know Swary, you already know the answer to that question. “I knew I would strike out, I was distracted!” Rangers as a group ask, “What distracted you, what the hell are you talking about?” Swary replied, “The Rainbow, there was a rainbow in Right Field!” That’s right, Swary was distracted by a rainbow and took three straight pitches right down the middle of the plate and the Rangers lost 6-5 to the Maywood Braves (now the Mets). And this is the legend behind Leslie Gore’s “Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows” being the official theme song for the Rangers.
Swary is a man of many names : Swary, Matt Swary, Swampy, Swampass, Swaggle, Swagglestick, Swagg, Swaggletoothed-Tiger, Swagadocious, Docious, Hocious-Docious, Swaggle-daggle-ding-dong, and many more lost to copious consumption of beer.
An original Ranger, Swaggle experienced a career year in 2010, culminating by hitting an over the fence home run in the CMBA Championship against he Marlins. Another career highlight is hitting a Walk-off Home run against the Electrons in 2008 during a 2 week tear that had the Rangers campaigning Swary for MVP. That effort was crestfallen when Swaggle did not get a hit the rest of the season. Swaggle also has a penchant for giving up Game-Winning grand slams. He once gave up Game-Losing walk-off grand slams in consecutive appearances vs. the Browns and Vikings, prompting sponsorship calls from Denny’s and their Grand-Slam Breakfast!
Other highlights include kicking down the door in the men’s room at Gios after a playoff game in 2007, consistently showing up to the wrong park for games and telling the Rangers and the opposing teams that they were at the wrong park, calling Ranger teammates at all hours of the night to find out useless information like “Where can I find a Laundromat?” or “How do I get to the Post Office?” and also giving Luke’s Mom a ride on his motorcycle through the Mississippi valley. Swary also does not believe the Ranger Weather hotline has enough information on it. When a game is cancelled, he wants all the details. One Particular morning he calls Luke after calling the Weather hotline to ask “Why is the game cancelled?” Luke’s, drunk groggy 6 AM response was, “Swag, look outside, its pouring!” Swary responded, “Oh, I am in New York, I just wanted to know why the game was called!” He was concerned about the cancellation of a game he had no intention of even showing up to, not being in the same time zone as the rest of the Rangers.
During a Beer-Pong tournament hosted by The Harem, Swaggle decided it was time to take his pants off. When the partygoers yelled, “Swary, what the hell are you doing, why did you take your pants off?”, Swaggle responded “Because I can’t find my shoes!”. Classic Swary, in his mind, it made perfect sense! It is scary to think that Swary is now the manager of the Rangers. Are his shenanigans planned to take the pressure off the rest of the team, or is he a bumbling lovable character? The Rangers still have not figured that out, but whatever happens in 2011, it will be interesting!
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